The only thing that I want to remember from February is celebrating our sweet Ladybug Emersyn’s 1st Birthday on February 6th. The rest of February I want to forget because it was filled with double ear infections, colds and finally with me having the Flu the very end of February and first few days of March. As we, all know when Mommy is sick the world falls apart…….well the home! After missing several Sunday’s of church and small group class, I was ready to back at Warren on Sundays. Our small group class was doing a study on Gideon and my first Sunday back in class was as if the message was speaking right to me. The discussion of how it was not that Gideon did not trust God; it was that he just wanted reassurance from God that what he was doing was what God really wanting him doing. We are all like Gideon I know I am. This lesson had me doing a lot of reflecting on the events that had taken place recently in my life. Back in November of this past year when I was let go from my job of 9 years, was a huge shock and our family was turned upside down. The lesson that Sunday on Gideon had me reflecting and made me realize that ever since I had gone back to work from maternity leave, I had struggled internally with being away from my children ten to eleven hours a day, five days a week. Other people always told me that, I was lucky because my children were at the school I was working at but that is the perception. Yes, my children were right down the hallway, but the day-to-day details of being an administrator consumed my day. By the time I got home in the evenings, it was time for dinner, bath and bed with Taylor & Emersyn. I had no time to just play with them. I can recall many nights after my husband and the children were sleep that I would just sit in the living room asking God, “Do I need to be looking for a new job? Is this what I am supposed to be doing? Please Lord; give me a sign of what I need to do.” Just like Gideon, I needed reassurance from God. Well I got my answer when I was let go from my job. God’s answer was not in a way I was imagining, but that’s God…when the path does not make sense………its God at work! While it was upsetting being fired, (the first job I have ever been fired from) I have a confession……I honestly had a sense of relief. Yes, I had the questions of oh my goodness what in the world are we going to do financially, we have two children how are we going to survive, a million “how are we going to” went through my head constantly but even through that I still had that sense of relief. Yes, I missed the children at the school, my teachers at the school and yes even the parents at the school, but I still had a sense of relief.
God’s path did two things for me. First thing God’s path did for me was allowed me to be with my children as a full time stay at home mom, something I had prayed about. The second thing that God’s path did for me was because I was home with my children and was not bringing in any income, it made fully put my faith and trust in him and lean on him to know he was going to work everything out for good.
Now I thought that the message in class that day was speaking right to me, but the message this past Sunday was screaming to me. It was as if the message was written just for me. Now remember this was only my second Sunday back in about a month and this was actually the first video of Priscilla Shirer’s study of Gideon that I was watching. The moment she started talking in the video, it was as if the video was designed especially for me. She talked about how we all have something we are struggling with, whether it is finances, our job, our spouse, or even “God I have my Master’s degree and what you want me to stay home with my kids.” My mouth just about hit the ground when she spoke those words. I had chills run through me when I heard her say that. Here I am with a Master’s Degree in Education and home with my children struggling to determine is this what I am suppose to do or am I suppose to be still looking for a job outside the home, will my husband’s new job be enough for us to financially make it with just his income. That was one of those moments when God was speaking to me through Priscilla Shirer’s video session on Gideon. In this video, she talked about how you know it’s God’s plan when it does not make sense, which is exactly what God did with Gideon. In that moment, God gave me my answer, the answer that deep down I already knew, but like Gideon, I just needed God’s reassurance. I know it is going to be hard and we are going to have to work at it daily but with God and through God, being home with my Children is where I am meant to be. Yes, this mom is about to say this, I never thought being fired from a job would be the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I did not know it at the time, but I know it now……I am right where I need to be and that is home with my two beautiful children.
(Big thank you to my cousin Kimberly Patteson for taking this amazing picture.)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV)
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. (Psalm 32:8 ESV)
God does amazing things in some of the most craziest ways. We never know who God is going to use to speak to us and give us the answers to our questions and our uncertainties. When the Path Doesn’t Make Sense……..It’s God’s at Work!